Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize