my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
