After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
