Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have feelings that need drinking.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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