You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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