i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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