when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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