just tell him i said nine months
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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