i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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