Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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