is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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