I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
