no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
