so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize