so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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