Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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