I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
