try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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