you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
this hospital has no fireball
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize