Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
