you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
