she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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