maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
