i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
