butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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