im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
