My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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