Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i barfeds in our rink
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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