umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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