Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
