2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You need a sexual gate keeper
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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