he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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