These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
