My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
