I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
