Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
