It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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