i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
