So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
