I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
