you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
