I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
