So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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