She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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