I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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