if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
