I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
