Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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