you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
