SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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