The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize