I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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