I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
