NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
