How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
