Having a random hookup so left but love u
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
