you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
