so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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