textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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