i don't like sucking hair
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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