I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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