Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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