My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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