its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
