butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
