i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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