toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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