I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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