Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
