In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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