Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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