I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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