New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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