A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize