If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
