Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
