Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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