You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Boobs speak an international language.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
