the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
