Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize