I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
