i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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