Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize