Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
