Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
