if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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