You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
God, I missed his penis.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize