Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
