Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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