So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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