Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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