i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
