did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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