woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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