Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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