He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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