Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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