i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize