Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
