he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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