at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
