he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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