I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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