Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
