yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize