I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
