She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
